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Selecting a Sponsor |
Tips on choosing a sponsor
While there are no "rules" on how to select a sponsor, you will want someone who:
- Has been clean and sober for at least one year and is currently stable.
- Understands or is familiar with your needs. If you are struggling with both an addiction and other complications, choosing someone who understands co-occurring recovery is highly recommended.
- Is actively working on a recovery plan and will provide a model for you to follow.
- Is someone toward whom you will not be romantically or sexually attracted and vice versa.
- Will challenge you to continue moving forward and will always hold you accountable to the truth. This may not be someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe; instead, it should be someone whose recovery you admire and who you think will challenge you to develop a healthy personal program of recovery.
- Has the time and energy available to be fully committed to you and your recovery.
- Is someone you feel you can trust and with whom you can develop a meaningful relationship.
- Is "walking the walk" of recovery, not just "talking the talk."
Tips on asking a person to be your sponsor
- When you are confident that you have selected a person to be your sponsor, approach the person and simple ask "Will you be my sponsor?"
- Don't take a "no" personally. The person may just have other commitments. Don't give up!
- While looking, there may be times when a "temporary" or "extra" sponsor might be needed.
- While it is very difficult to think about beginning this relationship, remember this person has been through this same journey and understands how you may feel.
If a Sponsorship Doesn't Work Out
There are many reasons why the sponsor you choose may not work out.
Some of these include:
- You just don't end up feeling as comfortable as you thought you might.
- You "outgrow" your sponsor.
- Your sponsor leans on you as much as (or more than) you lean on him or her.
- Your sponsor relapses.
- Your sponsor gives you bad advice or pressures you to make bad choices.
- Your sponsor doesn't understand your mental health condition and is not interested in learning.
- Your sponsor has too many sponsees or not enough time to be a good sponsor.
- Your sponsor moves away.
These things happen and should not prevent you from continuing with your strong recovery program. Sponsorship is not a permanent arrangement. If you are having problems with your sponsorship relationship, consider talking honestly with your sponsor about the issues you're facing, and find a new sponsor if necessary.
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